Housekeeping

For as long as I can remember, I have carried around anger. I'm quite certain that this anger is displaced and not sure whether this anger is even directed at someone or something that is real.

Back when I was 11 years old, I blamed God for my mother's death. It was perfect and convenient. It worked for me at the time. It was ALL.HIS.FAULT.

God never stopped by to tell me that it wasn't his fault. He never denied it once. It just worked for me to blame him.

It doesn't work for me anymore.

Carrying anger or hate for anyone sucks away your energy and your happiness with life. This I know and I've always tried my damnedest not to carry hate for anyone, except God. I've always tried, albeit not always successfully, to empathize and understand just why people do what they do and why they treat others like crap, except God.

So, that is where I stand at this point in my quest for contentment. I have come to realize that God, whether he/she is real or not, is not where my anger should be placed. I just need to let it go. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

There are a select few bloggers that I give credit for helping me find my way in life. They have no idea who the heck I am and no idea how much they have had an impact on my life by giving me hope.

Crystal, you inspire!

Yellow

I've been taking my medication as of late. Enough time has passed so that I am feeling a little more balanced.

My moods are settling so that they are not quite as extreme. When I was angry, I was very angry and when I felt sad, it overcame me. I can actually come to work and stay focused on the job at hand. No more thoughts dancing about in my head and bumping into each other.

In some ways, I miss me, the up and down me. But I do realize that I can function better as a mom, employee, friend when I am medicated.

I Stole this Comment from Someone's Blog

You know, I think penis size is for men as being “pretty” (read also: hot/beautiful/sexy) is for women. You think it’s fucking everything, until you’ve been alone long enough to find out that it isn’t.

Briget

Watching You

All right Beemer Dude, every day, I see your car parked askew in the parking lot. Apparently, you are intelligent enough to go out and make enough money to buy this nice car, however you are not bright enough to park it properly.

Each day, I pull in the parking lot and see that car. It irks me. I think of ways to make you pay every time I see your car there.

Yes, I'm the one. I'm the one who has put notes on your car and wrote "idiot" in the snow on your windshield.

I'm watching you.

I am Alive!

Yes, I am still alive and my busy brain is still overflowing with thoughts and wanderings. I have a hard time concentrating on things because of this busy brain of mine. I do at times wonder if I have obsessive-compulsive disorder.

My new Flip Video has arrived and I am still interested in getting into video blogs. Stay tuned! I've been busy attempting to learn how to edit my mini-movies. Once I master it, look out world! We'll be getting a little more up close and personal.

My Christmas holidays were great! My Girl was so excited! She was actually impressed with the number of gifts Santa had brought her and commented that she must have been a very good girl this year. I thought this was great. Last year, after ripping all her gifts open, she was looking for more!!

We spent a quiet New Years' Eve at home with our friends and their family. This is common for us. I'm not really big on New Years' and don't like this holiday much....not sure why but I never did like it. Something about celebrating the year that has past or celebrating a new one depresses the hell out of me. I also don't like to be kissed or hugged at midnight by people. Don't get me wrong, I am very affectionate with my partner and child. It's just that I am not comfortable with having people I am not close to in my bubble. I guess I am not the huggy/kissy type.

I have to say that I am starting to wonder just what it'll take to get some of you readers to leave a comment for me. I know that you people are reading this blog thanks to my web page counter. So come on, leave me a comment and tell me what you think! You can do it anonymously even! No one will know it's you unless you identify yourself. Just click the anonymous circle or give yourself a nickname. On the other blogs I read, I notice that more comments are made when the topic is sex. Is that what y'all are holding out for?

Shaggy

Back in the days
I use to dream of being rich
Have a lot of houses and cars
Couldn’t know which one was which
And finding me a chick and getting hitched
Living the fairy tale life perfect witout a ditch
You think that this would bring me happiness
If at the end of every rainbow there was a treasure chest
Sometimes having more is really less
So take a look inside yourself
You’ll realize you’re really blessed
No matter how inside you’re blue
There’s always someone who has it worse than you
Sometimes you gotta pay your dues
So don’t worry just push on through