Note to Self

Wildberry coolers are for sipping. Do not exceed three or four.

PS - Wildberry vomit looks like blood.

The Cowardly Lion

There are things in my life that I need to get straight and yet, I avoid them. I have asked others for advice or answers and I get the same response, "Only you can decide" and "Only you truly know what you want."

I realize that this is my decision, but I suppose that I want to put the responsibility on someone else and have them make the decision for me. Ugh, I frustrate myself with my cowardness.

I think I use the excuse that I am not sure what I want so that I can avoid making that decision and following through. Deep down, I do know what I want but change, or the unknown, scares me so I am constantly second guessing myself. And the change I want to make affects so many people which only adds more uncertainty and scares me more.

All too often, I feel like I am running in a hamster wheel. It seems like this is the way it is both in trying to keep my house clean and trying to live my life. I'm running and I'm not getting anywhere.

I Think I Hear Them Calling

Sunday was a day of rest and relaxation for me. I decided to go out and get a good chick flick and spend my evening sprawled out on the couch.

I rented the movie "The Notebook". And oh, I cried. It was just a beautiful love story about two people in with this passion for one another. Do I think a love like this exists? Meh, I don't know. I think that love can feel that way at times but it's not realistic to think that this can last. Or is it?

Have you ever been so attracted to someone that you just wish you could devour them? Ya ok, wait, I don't mean eat them (necessarily). Have you ever felt like you just wanted your body to meld with someone else's while you are laying there in their arms? I don't just mean this in a sexual way. I'm dreaming about intimacy and love.

I know and I'm sorry. This movie just got under my skin. I'm a sap.

Truth is, I've been thinking about this post for a couple of days now. I had it pretty much written in my head. Sitting here now, I can't find it.

Until next time.

My Guidance Reading

Hi Crystal,

I think it's been almost a week since you sent me my reading. Every day, I read it to remind myself.

I loved it. A lot of the things you mentioned are things my head already knows....it's just a matter of getting the heart to follow along. Or is it the other way around? I don't know...

I like your beliefs and your views about God. For me, there is always this nasty little voice in the back of my head that tells me that God is not real and that he/she is a comfort that we've made up to make ourselves feel better about life and death. I want to believe, but there are doubts since I started telling myself there was no God after my mother died when I was eleven. I am a work in progress.

Anyways, I just wanted to send a quick note to say thank you, I'm impressed and that I've been recommending you to some of my friends.

Peace,
Marney

Check out Crystal at Innerstep.

Smiling on the Inside

So what makes you smile on the inside? This is something I'm going to be attempting to figure out in the next little bit....just what makes me happy inside. This brings me to my story.

I have a confession of sorts:

I am a Northern Ontario resident and have been for my entire 36 years. I have never seen a moose on the side of the highway. For those of you not very familiar with Ontario, this is a very rare thing.

I've seen dead moose from my father's hunting days and I've seen moose in the zoo. I've seen horses, raccoons, deer, turtles, rabbits, you name it but I had never seen a moose standing there on the road UNTIL THIS WEEK!!

I was driving through some backroads of a little town called Astorville at around 11 pm. I wasn't going very fast since there are tons of deer on this road. Looking ahead, I saw what I first thought were two deer until I got closer.

I was in the truck driving slowly behind them and they just kept walking in front of me at this leisurely pace. My moose friends and I carried on for about two minutes before they decided to head back into the bush.

I waited 36 years for this. It made me smile.

I Knew His Offer was Way Too Low

I have an amusing story to tell.

I was once offered $80 to have sex with someone that I had never met.

I was a little insulted by this offer and thought I was surely worth a three-digit number at the very least!!!

In my defense, this ummmm...person/slug didn't know me and has never seen me. He was just some internet schmuck who randomly sends out messages to women. Surely, if he had met me, his offer would have been much better.... I know, my modesty is underwhelming.

After completing the following quiz, I feel redeemed. Now this quiz is accurate and all knowing. Just as I suspected, I'm worth the price of a discounted high-priced call girl!! In fact, I'm worth MORE in bed than the average ($232.19) person taking this quiz!

You got that? If you want a piece of me, the going rate is $1,148 per hour. Tips (15-20%) are also appreciated and expected.

How much are you worth?


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